InterActive Performance Management

Effective Questioning

Effective questioning goes hand in hand with active listening, if we do not question effectively during verbal communication then it is unlikely we will understand what the speaker is talking about and certainly not be capable of offering help, if that is what is required.

If we think about questioning technique looking like a funnel this may help us to understand how we can become more effective in our verbal communication.

At the top (wide part) of the funnel we may ask questions that are seeking information, facts, feelings or attitudes about particular subjects. We do this by using open questions such as; what, where, when, who, how and in some instances why. It is best to avoid why if possible as it can sometimes come across as being quite aggressive.

In the mid part of the funnel we can start to follow a particular subject and start to ask more enquiring or probing questions using the acronym TED; Tell me more, Explain what you mean, Describe that for me.

As we exhaust each line of enquiry(in the thin part of the funnel)we can start to evaluate what we have heard with the other person, summarising and gaining clarification that what we have heard is correct, asking closed questions; does this make sense, Is that correct. The use of closed questions at this point is to confirm or deny your understanding, if it is incorrect then you can start to ask more enquiry questions to clarify and understand.

During the conversation and as trust builds you will be able to ask deeper questions about how the other person feels about the subject, how it may be affecting them and how important it is to them.

Being curious and asking questions that are relevant and open to what we have heard will create a conversation rather than a series of often unconnected questions.

Preparing Yourself for Verbal Communication

How often do we really plan for the communications that we undertake on a day to day basis, not the everyday chats but the things that are important possibly even life changing? Always, Sometimes, Never!

There is an old adage that preparation prevents poor performance and this is as true in our verbal communication as it is in formal presentations or sales pitches.

So what are the key items that we need to address in this preparation:

• Any communication needs to have a purpose, so understanding what you want to communicate and what the end result of that communication needs to be is essential to success.

• Does your message have integrity and fit in with your personal values and beliefs?  If you are challenged on the message you will be able to defend yourself from a position of strength based on congruent personal values.

• How do you want to be perceived at the end of the interaction, consider how you are going to build the relationship using rapport, warmth and empathy.

• Behavioural flexibility, flexing your style to fit in with the other person, mirroring.

• Our nerves can often get in the way of a good communication; we can scare ourselves with stories of impending doom. So before the interaction make sure you think of a time when you communicated effectively, reflect on the things you did that worked well and get yourself into a positive mind frame.

• John F Kennedy’s speech writer gave a tip to JFK to think of three things when public speaking which also applies to any verbal communication.

• I am glad I am here – conveys joy to the audience
• I am glad you are here – Conveys warmth to the audience
• I have got something important to say – gives a feeling of conviction and integrity

 

The ARC of Distortion

How many times do we come out of a meeting, whether one to one or in a group, and have confidence that we have accurately received the message that the sender was trying to convey or, from the senders point of view, that the recipients have taken away the intended message?

What are the factors that create this disparity between what the sender of the message is relaying against what is delivered to the receiver and why can the message received be different from one person to the next?

In considering this question I would like to introduce a concept called the ARC of distortion which is best described using a diagram.
Arc of Distortion diagram
Figure 1 the ARC of Distortion

Look at the top diagonal line we can see the sender’s intention was to relay a message accurately and achieve their goal of the message being understood in the same way by all recipients. In actual fact what was heard, and therefore the Impact of the message, was different and resulted in the message being received along the bottom diagonal line (Impact).

The gap between what was intended and what was actually received is the communication gap and is often referred to as being made up of interference or “noise”. Consider the coaching equation [Potential (minus) Interference (equals) Results]. By reducing the gap we reduce the interference and improve our results, in this instance the accuracy of our communication, the equation and the relevant coaching methodologies may also be used to improve performance in many other areas of business.

In order to reduce the gap between intention and impact we need to address the criteria on the right of the diagram.

Feedback is a key to understanding the message and is made up of the following factors:

Questioning: Give opportunities to the receiver(s) to ask questions of the sender to clarify what is being said in order to understand the message better.

Listening: As the receiver of the message are you actively listening to what is being said in order to understand the message accurately and take the opportunity to ask questions? As the sender are you aware that the recipient is actively listening, are they asking questions, acknowledging what they are hearing, summarising what they hear.

Summary and reflection are important parts of gaining clarification around a message, by summarising and reflecting back what you hear and understand as a recipient you give the sender the opportunity to confirm or question your understanding. This gives an opportunity for debate about the message using questioning, listening, summary and reflection as part of the feedback loop thereby clarifying the message.

In order for the sender to be confident that the message is being received and their goal is being achieved you should check in at intervals with the recipient as to their understanding. Use open questions what, when, where, how and avoid the closed question which is likely to elicit a yes or no answer. For Example “Do you understand what I am saying?” Answer yes or no. “What is your understanding of what I have just said?” Answer “Well what I have heard is………………” As a sender you are able to pick up the areas that are not necessarily being understood.

If the recipient is showing signs, through behaviour, that they are not listening or not paying attention then it may be better to pause what is being said to investigate further what is causing this type of behaviour. There is no point in trying to deliver a message if other things are getting in the way of the recipient hearing them!

The impact of the climate in which the recipient works and lives should not be underestimated and may result in adverse behaviour. They may be interpreting the message you are sending in a very different way to how someone else may receive it. This may be because of the current economic climate, life at home, previous experience, long held values and beliefs……… It is important to understand what the recipient may feel about the message due to their own climate. Everyone lives in a slightly different bubble of their own reality, understanding that as a sender will help you to tailor the message for your audience and improve their understanding of it.

Communication is the lifeblood of an organisation, using the ARC of distortion and the techniques described above will help you to close the gap and, if done well, will ultimately improve the performance of individuals, teams and of the organisation as a whole.

Congruence of communication

How do you make sure that the message you want to deliver through your verbal communication is delivered to the other party and acted upon?

Let us consider the work of Professor Albert Mehrabian whose research led us to the conclusion that communication is made up of three parts, the words that we speak (content), the musicality or tone of our voice and the dance or body language we use in order to deliver the message.

Mehrabian concluded that in communication 55% is reflected in body language, 38% is the tone of voice in which the message is delivered and 7% are the words. It is when these elements are brought together in perfect harmony (congruent) that effective communication takes place.

When the words are being transmitted all the nuances created by the body language and tone of voice will be interpreted unconsciously by the receiver to assess if the message is congruent with the sum of all its parts.

It is often said that body language doesn’t lie. This is true because body language is an unconscious process interpreted by the right brain of the receiver. Yet, it is difficult to interpret body language because a slight variation can mean many different things to different people. Therefore, it is critical to know what your body language is conveying.

The tone of voice is also a major conveyor of the message; if the tone is monotone and dull then the receiver is likely to turn off from the message and stop listening. In order to deliver an exciting message then the musicality of the voice will be critical, delivering Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream…” speech will be received in a very different way if the tone of voice is monotone and dull and the body language is closed.

In conclusion verbal communication does not stand alone and cannot be separated from the body language tone of voice and content if an effective message is to be delivered.

So watch out for your non verbal leakage when delivering a message

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As a coach we are trained to tease out the values and beliefs that people hold in order to help them move forward. I thought I had done that on a personal level until today when during a heated conversation with my partner I recognised that I was arguing from a position based on old values. These values and beliefs came from my childhood and parental values which are no longer valid in the situation I now live. A sobering moment when you think your values and beliefs are your own but realise they date to a different time and other people.

It may be interesting to have a spring clean of your values and beliefs and see what you find. Keeping your values and beliefs up to date and relevant to the world in which you live and your position in it is very important it will give you a sense of belonging and purpose otherwise you could be in danger of living in the past.

If you are not sure where to begin then ask a coach to help you.

There has been a big debate going on for about 4 months on Linked In(over 140 comments so far) around role play, how to use it, what to call it and how to disguise it as something else. Do you call it simulation? Real-play? Practice sessions? Along with a multitude of others.

I believe role play is one of the most important experiential tools we have as coaches and trainers; however it is only as strong as the people participating. In order to get the best results use Professional role players with acting and business experience they will be able to change emotional state, react effortlessly to what they are hearing and the emotion they are feeling. Not only that they will be able to digest complex briefs, hold the participants attention and at the end give accurate and beneficial behavioural feedback on the good things they saw and the areas for development.

Reality of the experience is everything and to be honest you will never get that playing with your peers. I have seen many senior experienced people who cringe at role play but once they have experienced it with a professional they never look back and often become great advocates.

I am off to Portugal in March to role play in a large simulation for a well known consultancy which will last 4 days, all the role players will remain in character wherever and whenever they meet the participants. Now that is an experience and something that works, this will be about the 7th time I have done this particular simulation, which, for the participants is a journey of discovery and realisation and often tears but great learning.

I met up with and old friend and colleague recently who has been promoted,within his organisation, to Managing Director of the UK. The organisation has a number of significant and complex engineering businesses with many equallycomplex engineering contracts and of course lots of engineers.

Like me he comes from a finance and not an engineering background and wondered how he may get on in this environment. He need not have been concerned because what he may lack in terms of engineering knowledge he more than makes up for with his people and strategic business skills. He has found that by being curious and interested in the engineering issues using lots of questions and listening well, he is coaching the engineers to their own solutions.

I thought this very interesting and confirmed my belief that at a senior management level it is not always the technical skill that is needed to resolve issues and improve performance but most certainly you will need the people and communications skills.